Into His Keeping Page 12

  “It’s not that simple,” Jill stated softly.

  “Why not? Have I ever intentionally let you down?” he prodded her again. Would she be brave enough to come to him? He steeled himself as he waited for her. She had physically returned to him voluntarily but could she make the rest of the trip mentally? Oh God! He wanted her so bad, so damn bad. Not just in his bed but at the center of his world. She was the heartbeat of his soul, a position that had always been hers.

  “We’re not so free anymore. Now there are huge issues to think about. There are estates and inheritance and guardianship. There are legal issues and moral ones. I can’t just stop thinking as an adult. If it were just me, I could manage it. But as a mother, I have to think about all these things to protect my son. I can’t let go. Not for an instant.”

  “Who asked you to stop thinking? Damn, woman! Of course you have to protect our son, but don’t you see that you’ve done that?” Holdin’s arms tightened around her as he ended the statement with soft kisses to the crown of her head.

  Jill was silent and Holdin frowned. He could feel her resistance to what he’d just said in her body. Pain at what she couldn’t say to him was surprisingly sharp. It was unrealistic to expect her surrender, that didn’t mean he couldn’t want it. Didn’t mean he didn’t need it. Anger was his initial response, fierce rage at the years that had been stolen from them, the life that should have been theirs. Those long wasted years of loneliness.

  Damn, this would be so much easier if she were his wife already.

  Holdin jerked in shock. That was it!! Baby girl needed security and he needed her. All of that could be tied up in a tidy bow with a marriage license. There would be no more questions of inheritance, guardianship, obligation or slick doctor bastards trying to steal her.

  “Marry me.” His deep voice made it a command instead of a request.

  “What?” Jill’s body stiffened.

  “Marry me. Before we go to the hospital tomorrow. Let me call the preacher and have him do it. We’ll file for a special license but I want to say the words and have it recorded in the church records now.”

  Jill’s face left his neck and she stared at him with wide, shocked eyes. “You’re serious?”

  “Yes. Marry me,” Holdin insisted again.

  “No! We can’t just get married! Are you insane?” Jill frowned at him as if he were suddenly some alien being.

  “No. Think about it. Married is the one thing that takes away all the questions. I’m totally serious. We should have been married a long time ago,” Holdin insisted logically.

  Jill searched his eyes in consternation. He was serious and apparently convinced he was making sense. “Holden,” she started slowly, intending to speak to him as plainly as possible. “People do not get married because they were a lovely couple once upon a time. Nor do they do it because they had a child. Getting married for any reason but the right one is insanity.”

  She grabbed his handsome face, framing it as he opened his mouth to argue with her. “No. Listen to me. You are a dominant. I’m well aware of that and what it means now. You need to take care of your family and that’s wonderful. But I will not consent to marry you because you suddenly realized a marriage license would make controlling everything so much easier. Nor will I do it because you think I need it. Come up with the right reason and I’ll consider it sometime in the future. But not now, not before the surgery.”

  “Jesus!” Holden snapped his teeth shut to stop the flow of frustration and carefully peeled himself off her to start gathering up her clothes. Shaking out her pants, he studiously concentrated on the job at hand while Jill pulled the bra cups back over her breasts and started fumbling with reinserting the shoulder straps in the little clamps attached to the cups.

  He’d gone too far. Damn it to hell! Her “right reason” was kicking his ass, hard. She wouldn’t believe a declaration of love now and he wasn’t even certain the emotion he was feeling could be called that. Love was gentle, kind, long-fucking-suffering. None of that shit applied to the pacing beast dragging its claws in the dirt right now. That animal apparently had the mental capacity of a baboon. Holdin slammed the cage shut on the idiot and set about repairing damage.

  Her pants were about as shaken out as they could get and Jill was still fumbling with the shoulder straps. “Let me, baby.” Holdin gently took over the hooking up and deftly inserted the cloth straps through the clip slots. Pulling them tight required supporting each breast, which he did gently.

  Jill glanced up at his face. His expression was calm as if a mask had dropped over it. He pulled down her polo shirt and picked up her panties from on top of the jeans he’d laid over the other arm of the chair. Jill was still half reclining on the sofa as he slipped them over her feet and glanced up at her with a raised eyebrow. She shifted so he could pull them up her legs.

  “Dressing me?”

  “Mmmm,” Holdin grunted and grabbed her pants. Gently he helped her into them, going so far as to zip and snap them. “Don’t get up. Remember you’re not supposed to move around if you don’t have to.”

  Jill let him do as he pleased. He seemed intent on the task. The explosive conversation that had ended so abruptly weighed on her. Would Holdin see her refusal to marry him out of convenience as a rejection? It was a rejection, but only of the reasons he was using. Or would he see it as a narrow escape? Even in her mind, she knew that wasn’t fair. He’d been very clear that he intended to be involved in her life, not just Drifter’s. Marriage was a huge step.

  “I’ll be right back,” Holdin excused himself when she was dressed and strode across the room. Jill heard a door open and then water running. She couldn’t see over the back of the couch but assumed he was washing his face in an attached bathroom. Jill smiled. He certainly needed to. She could use a shower too.

  Holdin had returned and was just pulling on his shirt when a young voice echoed down the hall.

  “Hey? Mom?”

  “In here,” Jill responded loudly.

  Chapter Six

  “A family chat might be a good idea,” Holdin said quietly. “We have to make some choices.”

  “What?” Jill whispered urgently as footsteps neared. “You are not talking marriage in front of everyone!”

  “No. That’s our debate,” Holdin assured her as he went to open the study door. “In here,” he called to Drifter who was peering into the family room looking for them.

  “Hey, Mom,” Drifter strolled into the room. “How ya feelin’?” His half smile turned to concern upon finding her reclining on the couch.

  “Besides being stuck on the couch, fine. Holdin doesn’t want me to move. So here I am.” She laughed to lighten the mood.

  Drifter glanced at Holdin. “Good. That’s more like it.”

  Holdin returned to the sofa and sat down at the other end, carefully lifting Jill’s feet into his lap. Approval from the boy was hard-won indeed. His hands caressed the soles of her feet naturally. He smiled at Drifter. “Have a seat, son. We should talk about a few things.”

  Drifter looked back and forth between them in concern. “What? Has something happened?”

  “No, nothing like that. I called Dr. Coates though, and wanted to discuss what we do now in light of his medical opinion.”

  Drifter sprawled in the oversized wingback easy chair set at an angle to the couch. “Let me guess. He wants her back in the hospital now. Mom doesn’t want to go.”

  Holdin grinned. “No one ever said you were slow. I figure between the two of us, she’ll see reason.”

  Drifter smiled a slow way-too-knowing grin. “So what did you think of his non-medical opinions?”

  “Drifter!” Jill frowned at him.

  “Well, Robert isn’t an idiot. When he realized who Powell is, he’d have said something,” Drifter defended himself.

  “So you know about that?” Holdin asked with studied calm. He could feel the boy working up to something and wasn’t sure what his point was.

  “Sure. H
e’s the guy I called when I found Mom on the floor. Seemed logical. He’s dating her and a brain surgeon.”

  “I see.” Holdin’s eyes swung around to Jill.

  “Guess ya hadn’t told him.” Drifter raised a brow at Jill.

  “We are not dating and there hasn’t been a lot of time,” she snapped. “Why are you in such a rush, young man?”

  “He should know.” Drifter shrugged and looked levelly at Holdin. “You’ve got a real nice place here and all, but that doesn’t mean we’re movin’ in.”

  The studied boredom was back on Drifter’s face along with a stiff undertone of stubbornness that was very familiar. Holdin regarded his son as his hands continued the gentle massage of Jill’s feet. Drifter was feeling the need to push him. Almost a man and he wasn’t ready to give up his position as Man of the House. Holdin supposed his physical possession of Jill every time the boy saw them today was a trigger. Smart little bastard had gone straight for the big guns too. No beating around with innuendoes.

  “I’m aware Dr. Coates has a personal interest in your mother,” Holdin agreed, tightly controlling his dark emotional response. “I’m a bit surprised you don’t respect her privacy though.” The gentle reprimand was all he could afford right now. The boy was deliberately looking for a rise out of him. Drifter’s instincts were good though. He’d scored right on the fucking soft spot.

  “What’s the matter?” Jill asked. “Why are you being deliberately rude?”

  “You mean it’s none of my business, Mom?”

  “I mean you’re being combative. Why?” Jill wanted to know.

  Drifter shrugged.

  “Your mother and I do have issues. We both had a life for the last fifteen years and no one’s acting like we didn’t. Right now my concern is making sure she gets the best care possible. We’ll work out the details of how our relationship develops as we go. And I agree with you, it is your business, son. We are your family.”

  Holdin used the term “son” deliberately. He was well aware of the distance Drifter was trying to create between Jill and him. This whole situation was moving too fast for the boy. In the last day and a half he’d gone from just worrying about his mom to the addition of a father in his world. Not just a man but another alpha. Even if Drifter didn’t realize it, that was the problem.

  Young lion was feeling challenged and it couldn’t be helped. Holdin wished he could make it easier for the boy, but Drifter was the only one who could do that. It depended on what he decided to do about Holdin. Hopefully his mind was not made up yet.

  Jill closed her eyes and bit her lip. She hated conflict. Yes, there were a lot of things she and Holdin should discuss. She’d not mentioned Robert because it was such a difficult subject. Seemed as if every damn thing were becoming difficult. God, she was so tired of it. Now Drifter was determined to stir up trouble. Well, not exactly stir it up, but he was on some male mission that made no sense to her.

  The gentle pressure on the balls of her feet had never paused throughout the conversation. Holdin’s touch was warm and tender. His massaging her feet felt amazingly good and it also somehow conveyed ownership instead of service as it would on another man. Perhaps that was what set Drifter off.

  “Do you think we can all agree that it’d be a good idea to get back to the hospital tomorrow instead of a couple days later?” Holdin continued, including Drifter in his question. “That’s a compromise, Jill,” he added with a smile, hoping to get one out of Drifter with the reference to what he’d said in the soda fountain yesterday.

  “Yes, I suppose that’d be a good idea,” Jill conceded. “But I don’t want to fly. Isn’t there something about altitude that could be detrimental?”

  “I’d only recommend it in an emergency,” Holdin agreed. “We can go in the Navigator. It has a smooth ride.”

  “I don’t want to leave the car,” Drifter stated.

  Holdin nodded. “Mom and Dad will want to come. Dad can drive it if you don’t mind.” Holdin directed the question to Drifter in acknowledgment of his need to have transportation. Even though Drifter wasn’t old enough for a license, they both knew he could drive. Leaving the car would be emasculating, making him that much more helpless in a situation already difficult to handle. He needed some measure of control.

  Charles Powell strolled in the room. “Did I hear we’re going to Dallas tomorrow?” he asked casually while taking a seat across from Drifter in the matching wingback chair. Carol followed him and perched on the overstuffed arm of his chair.

  “Yeah. You mind driving?” Holdin asked smoothly. “I spoke to Jill’s doctor and he was very concerned that she get back as soon as she can. Coates is concerned and wants all movement of her head restricted. It’s almost impossible to do that outside a hospital environment.”

  “Sure,” Carol answered for both of them. “Y’all want to leave early?”

  “We’ll want to miss morning traffic,” Drifter spoke up. “If we leave around nine, Central should be as clear as it’ll get. Only better time would be doin’ the trip at four in the morning.”

  “Honey, I’d really rather not,” Jill protested. “You’re just determined to get me outta bed early.”

  Drifter grinned. “Like that’s gonna happen. If I can’t put a cup of coffee under your nose, nothin’ will rise you that early.”

  Jill’s chuckle with Drifter was full of their relationship. Close, just the two of them. “That’s the only carrot that’s makin’ me want to do this,” Jill confessed. “I get coffee again when it’s over.”

  “I promise, soon as Robert says it’s okay, I’ll smuggle you a cup of the expensive French Vanilla stuff. Regardless of how bad it smells,” Drifter added.

  Holdin watched this byplay and saw the single mother who struggled to make ends meet on a dental hygienist salary. Saw a child doing what he could to make his mom’s life easier. And he also saw Jill knowing her son well enough to let him look after her as much as he was able. Another window into a life he should have been there for. Painful bits of knowledge that stabbed him.

  Drifter’s continued use of Coates’ first name told him the relationship between Coates and Drifter was tighter than he’d like. Another bit of barbed-wire knowledge.

  He couldn’t respond to any of it, but deep in his soul the beast was snarling. What he didn’t know about Jill was understandable but unacceptable. What Coates did know about her was intolerable. The question that ate at him was one he didn’t have a clear right to ask. He didn’t think Jill would have allowed their relationship to get intimate if she was already in a physical relationship with another man but he needed to know for sure. Knowing for sure presented certain risks. What if she was involved with this bastard? Would it make a shit of difference? He doubted it. The only difference would be that it was over. He’d make sure all the parties involved were clear on that. Worse, what if she wanted to be? There was the question that would be a problem.

  Just the thought of that possibility came armed with dangerous spikes of pain. It was unreasonable to expect she’d been untouched since he’d last held her, Lord knew, he wasn’t, but logic had never had anything to do with his feelings about Jill.

  Holdin reminded himself that Drifter was baiting him. He knew the boy recognized him for what he was. Be it subconscious or not, they were very similar.

  “Good, we’ll leave tomorrow around nine,” Holdin said calmly. “Something else I want to talk about. We’re going to run into the issue of my being a celebrity in Dallas. Someone will recognize me at the hospital and call the press. Soon as that happens there’s going to be a million rumors about who you and your mother are.” Holdin nodded at Drifter. “I’d like to let my publicist put out a statement before they start making things up. They will still call you my secret love child and probably some other garbage anyway. A statement will only make them look like they’re reaching for a story.

  “Next they’ll stake out your home and be calling at all hours trying to get an interview. They might even b
reak in if they think you’re home. I’m still news in that town. It’ll take a few years of retirement to wear that down. You’ll become an instant celebrity and a target. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  Jill gasped. “Oh my God! I hadn’t even thought of that.” Her face was stricken with panic. “Do you think someone might try to kidnap Drifter because he’s your son? Would they?”

  Holdin’s hands closed around her feet in a brief squeeze of reassurance. “It’s possible. I’m not trying to scare you. I simply want both of you to understand. These are the facts of fame. It’s not fair and it’s almost never honest.

  “Drifter, would you agree to stay at my place while we’re in Dallas? It’s a security issue. I’m not trying to take over your life.” He spoke directly to his man-child. It was important to gain both respect and consent. Having to force Drifter to do anything would create a serious problem in their very new relationship.